top of page


Part Two of an Insighter Investigative Report


In Part One (click here) we investigated whether zombies have taken over the White House and installed Donald Trump as their  “Zombie in Chief” and that the slogan “make America great again” is actually an exhortation for those who have come back from the dead to bring about a zombie apocalypse.  In Part Two we will look at how to prevent zombies from establishing a nation of the living dead, by the living dead and for the living dead.


Anyone who has watched zombies run amuck in movies and television knows that the only sure fire way to eliminate them is by destroying their brains. Something that seems counterintuitive since the prefrontal lobe that controls the “executive function” or, “Chief Executive function”, it is almost nonexistent in a zombie.  In other words, Zombies “think with their gut” more than with their brain, which come to think of it is how Trump likes to describe his own thought process. It so happens that the U.S. Constitution provides a machete in the form of impeachment that can be wielded by Congress to remove the Head of State.  Unfortunately, there are enough members in the zombie wing of the current House of Representatives to block any attempt to pass articles of impeachment.

Even if Trump was impeached and removed another member of the walking dead, Vice President Mike Pence, would step into his shoes.  Faced with this reality, we propose another strategy, which is to eliminate the mastermind, the brain behind the Zombie in Chief. 


It appears that this mastermind-brain communicates through the undead talking heads of Fox News Network. It is no secret that Trump prefers getting his information by television rather than reading or listening to experts, intelligence briefings, etc..  Nor is it surprising that since Trump is an avid follower of Fox News there is strong correlation between what is shown on Fox News and what is subsequently in his tweets or mouthed in his “off the cuff”  (aka “stream of unconsciousness”) statements.  This effect on other zombies is amplified because Fox News is also the most popular and “trusted” source of news for Trump supporters.   Television is a particularly good medium for transmitting “subliminal” messages (messages that are sent in such a way that the recipient is not consciously aware that they are receiving them) that can influence behavior without the person being conscious of them.  This makes television (aka the idiot box) the perfect method for communicating and controlling zombies who, because of their non-functioning pre frontal lobes, are barely conscious of anything to begin with.


But why would Fox News want to support a zombie President Trump?  It doesn’t take a genius to know that the Trump Presidency has been a boon to Fox News making it the highest rated news network and generating huge profits.  That being the case, it makes sense for them to produce and direct what is, in effect, a “reality television show” starring the President of the United States.  It would seem that the only way to eliminate Fox News is to give them what they want most, which is even more money and to buy them. At the moment Fox News has a market value of 9-10 billion dollars. This is a lot of money for most of us but not for a number of billionaires.  Bezos, Gates, and Buffet, to name just a few, each have a net worth of well over $50 billion and could well afford to buy Fox News even if the price was fifty percent higher than it’s current market value.  Most of them talk about giving their billions away to charity before they die, but if they don’t use it now to stop the zombies then their billions will be nothing more than walking around dead money. By purchasing Fox News, and then, as is the case with many corporate acquisitions, dismembering it and selling off its body parts, Trump and the other White House walking dead would be transformed into harmless couch potatoes.


Part One of an Insighter investigative report


When Rear Admiral Ronny Jackson, MD reported that even though President Trump says he sleeps only four to five hours a night it doesn’t appear to have any negative impact on his physical or mental health we, for one, weren’t surprised.  After all, zombies don’t need sleep.  Admiral Ronny also cited the fact that the President doesn’t smoke as a major contributor to his “excellent” health.  No surprise there, either, because zombies not only don’t smoke, they don’t breathe.  Likewise, there is no mystery as to why the President’s cardio vascular system is “excellent” despite the fact that his diet consists primarily of red meat, and lots of it judging from his weight, since the “zombie diet” consists primarily of fresh flesh and lots of it (Although zombies find human flesh particularly appetizing how do we know it’s ground chuck that’s in the Presidential burgers?).  The one area of concern that Admiral Ronny raised was the President’s lack of exercise.  The only exercise the President seems to engage in is walking  and, you guessed it, walking is also the only exercise that zombies seem to engage in.  It’s not for nothing that they are referred to as the “walking dead”. However, zombies don’t just walk they stalk.  Webster’s dictionary defines as “pursuing obsessively and to the point of harassment” and anyone who saw Trump’s debates with Hilary Clinton can attest to his stalking abilities.  


But, you might ask, how can the President be a zombie without those around him not noticing? The answer is simple - he is surrounded by other zombies.  If you’ve watched zombies in the movies or on television you know that they like to run in, or more appropriately, walk in packs. We can’t help but notice that Vice President Mike Pence’s stiff appearance and dull expression make him a dead ringer for one of the “living dead”.  And, of course, there are the President’s economic advisors.  Who else but a pack of zombies would bring voodoo economics back from the grave? 


What does a zombie President want to achieve?  What all zombies want, of course, a zombie apocalypse.  According to Wikipedia a zombie apocalypse is the result of zombies uniting “to engage in a general assault on civilization”.  It’s hard to come up with a better description for President Trump’s behavior.  Even Trump’s slogan “make America great again” can be seen as an exhortation to bring back the past and who better to do it than people who have come back from the dead.  This raises the even more alarming question, is Trump’s real “base” zombies? How many of his twitter followers are living human beings and how many are digitally undead “zombie bots”?  Is it any coincidence that he hasn’t included zombies among the those who have voted illegally.  Maybe he thinks that while the vote of a dead person is not legal the same doesn’t hold for the “living dead”.


In Part Two of our investigative series the Insighter will look into what can be done to prevent the zombies in the White House from taking over the entire government of the United States.

Anchor 1
Anchor 2
bottom of page