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Top Ten Real Resolutions for 2019

Now that we’re into 2019 how many of you who made a resolution have managed to keep it? Unless your resolution was to be a procrastinator most of you haven’t.  According to a 2007 study of three thousand people only 12% of people who make new year’s resolutions manage to keep them even though a majority (52%) were confident that they would succeed. With those odds why do people bother to make resolutions?  It certainly seems that new years resolutions are more an exercise in magical thinking than realistic aspiration. They’re mostly  inspiration followed by no perspiration. With that in mind we thought we should change the top ten resolutions for 2019 into what ninety two percent of the respondents really meant.  Now everyone can keep their new year's resolution. Here they are:


  1. Stuff yourself with junk food instead of “diet or eat healthier”.

  2. Avoid all activities that induce sweat instead of “exercise more”.

  3. Pack on the pounds instead of “lose weight”. 

  4. Go for broke instead of “save more and spend less”.

  5. Maintain your level of incompetence instead of “learn a new skill or hobby”.

  6. Light up and don’t forget to inhale instead of “quit smoking”.

  7. Join the illiterate instead of “read more”.

  8. Don’t shove it, learn to love it - instead of “find another job”.

  9. Besot yourself with booze instead of “drink less alcohol”.

  10. Make yourself scarcer instead of “spend more time with family and friends”.


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